Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
