Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
