Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
