Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We left the knife in your bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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