I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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