He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
