ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
