I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
