some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
