so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
