I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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