You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
