just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
