i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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