wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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