So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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