Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize