so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
