Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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