Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
