theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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