New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
