it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
