you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
