there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
