He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
