i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
