Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
