It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
