Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
