I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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