If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
