No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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