I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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