Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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