I'm so fucking centered right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
nutella sex= disaster
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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