I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
