you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
