naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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