oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
