If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
