Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
