She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
