My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
