oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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