If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
