someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
