there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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