You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
