foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
