Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
