Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
