Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
