the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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