How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
