My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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