phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
