Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
