She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
