It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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