I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
