'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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