I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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