we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
