Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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