I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
