You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
