mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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