Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
