My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
