My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
