he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
