she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
