I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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