my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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