she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
