doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
