That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
