i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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