he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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