Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I want a musical about memes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize