i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize