my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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