Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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