it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
