You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
