i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize