Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
