i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
