I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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