can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
