My pussy is not your playground.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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